May 2, 2023
When I look back, I see that cancer has been a part of my life most likely all of my life but it wasn’t until probably when I was in junior high that I realized this.
My mother talked about her mother and how she had had breast cancer and died. At the time, her mother had followed a religion, and in turn so did my mother, that discouraged seeking medical help. So, as the story goes, my grandmother did not receive any medical treatment and the disease took her life. Her sister had called my mother telling her to come quick for her mother was on her death bed. My mother flew there as soon as she got the news but arrived just one hour after her mother passed. My mother was devastated and so grief stricken she declared a breech from all religion. Therefore, I grew up going to church with my dad and not being able to mention God or Jesus in the presence of my mother without her wrinkling up her nose. It would be a long time before she would come back around and find a place of peace within at least with her spirituality/religion. On the other hand, getting cancer would be a lifelong fear of hers.
My mother took 14 vitamins a day, additional fiber supplements, prepared the healthiest of meals, worked hard as a primary schoolteacher and farmer and, with fierce intent, took care of herself very well. But she was tortured by the fear of getting cancer, so every bump had to be checked out and every pain or discomfort addressed. I grew up under her fear never considering where it came from. I know now that it’s always been like a cloud hanging over with each generation fearing any rain that might fall from it.
Ask the Kat 