Christmas Gift

written 12/88

Nicholas would be 32

‘Twas on this day he went away, 

so long ago it seems.

A day for toys, a time for joys 

trimmings of reds and greens. 

With a feast on the table and gifts to unwrap, one more to add, from inside came a tap.

Oblivious to other plans and smiling though I should’ve been sad,

took him home and put him to bed at last there was time to share with Dad.

As darkness fell upon our house

no creature stirred but my little mouse.

Whispering in the night, holding onto each other tight,

we gazed about our room and loved by the starlight. 

As our eyes fell upon the cradle standing tall we laughed at the sight of fur rolled up in a ball.

All was well as well could be.

Only a short time before I’d hold our baby. 

Excitement and anticipation, I did feel, without so much as a clue

while shopping for invitations and planning a meal, laughing and sharing as mothers and daughters do.

The death of our little bird and our other pets

with an addition to come was easier to forget.

Doing the best possible job that I could

a healthy and happy baby be he would. 

Off to the hospital for another test.

Daddy came along to watch him in our nest.

Something was wrong!

Tidal wave of alarm.

Daddy took over to keep Mommy from harm.

What was to come, knowing full well,

took me to where the doctor could tell.

The next few hours went by in a blur 

from this moment on there be nothing to stir.

Absolute fear of what was expected of me together side-by-side, through all, we would see.

Daddy’s strength helped us make it through.

The most difficult part was going home without you.

‘More to come to you on another day’,

so did the well wishes have to say.

Hatred I felt later on through the year 

not understanding why he couldn’t be here. 

Now, trimming the tree was not to be easy

but gently hanging are those baby booties.

Yes, there’ll be more to fill our nest 

and more to place against my breast.

Though never able to replace the look of joy he put on my face. 

Nor, the gift he gave to his daddy and me 

for he was our special boy and always will be.

Everything was good; everyone happy.
Now everything has changed deep inside me.

I am feeling sad and I'm feeling mad.
I can't understand why this hurts so bad.

I want to believe this only happens
in the books read to me after napping.

In those, I learned we all go to Heaven.
One day we'll be with our loved ones again.

But I'm still feeling sad and feeling mad.
I can't understand why this hurts so bad.

And when I have to go to bed at night
I lay there and shut both my eyes up tight.

I try to picture Heaven in my mind.
Where the ones I've lost, again, I will find.

And for a moment I feel so happy.
Peace, like a blanket, has wrapped around me.

Like a hug from Heaven to ease my pain.
And I can't wait to see them all again.

But I have to wait for it's not my time.
'Til then, I'll picture Heaven in my mind.

But it was theirs - and only God knows why.
He promises I'll see them by and by.

I feel my heart so heavy in my chest
and a lump in my throat, I can not rest.

They all tell me it's okay to cry.
Will I be able to stop if I try?

I snuggle my face into my pillow.
My eyes fill up with tears and let them go.

My pain is so cold but my tears are warm.
More promises He will keep me from harm.

With each new day so begins a new start.
Loved ones are close if they live in your heart.

Kat McMann

Who decides and designs our fate
If in God we distrust?

But to a closed gate
Where would temptation lead us?

What are our lessons?
Will they bring us to our knees?

When we answer our questions
will we then reach our destinies?

Why did the nightmare become reality
to cut us like a knife?

And was it all just meant to be 
to teach us about our life?

Kat McMann

Why my feet could use some rubbin'...
Why my feet do need some lovin'...

My feet are sweet.
My feet are neat.
My feet can even send a tweet.

My toes are bitty.
My toes are pretty.
My toes can even strum a ditty.

My arches steep.
My arches deep.
My arches even help me leap.

My heels not great, though.
My heels rough, I know.
My heels do tend to ache so.

My feet now feel like tar.
My feet need some R&R.
My feet still have to take me far.

My feet need some lovin'.
My feet need some Zen.
My feet need to feel whole again.

So I think I'll ask tonight.
When it seems the time is right;
no pets or kids in sight.

For my guy to be a pal
and give to me, his gal
a rub on each metatarsal.

My feet will be good to go,
after getting it back, I know.
My metatarsal mojo.

Kat McMann

Adrift alone on the ocean wide
taking what comes your way in stride.

Looking about, there's no one in sight.
Waves rock the boat with all their might.

Clear blue water to quench your thirst 
though a long way to journey first.

Drifting along, succumbing to fear,
hanging your head to shed a tear.

Night falls and all is quiet.
Loneliness coats you like a blanket.

Taken with you are your memories,
of those at home, seem just a tease.

Wishing you could find your way
home you'd go and there you'd stay.

Knowing loved ones are concerned 
hold up your head and turn back the stern.

Gaining confidence, you will succeed.
Self-worth and love you'll know indeed.

The journey back from whence you came
and those to come are not the same.

Again and again travel you will
conquering every obstacle.

Love to be yours; forever and true.
Spirit refreshes blossoming new.

Blessed are those who know you well.
In their hearts forever you dwell.

Kat McMann